


i'm not used to feeling like this

by timesicktrio



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pre-Canon, also mr. cutter is barely in it, im sorry this is kind of a mess, it's about the tension, kepler has a crush on jacobi, kepler's perspective, most of the sexual content is not explicitly described but its mentioned throughout the fic, sadly this is before maxwell came to work at goddard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timesicktrio/pseuds/timesicktrio
Summary: warren would’ve liked to say that their first time was a spur of the moment decision, but that wasn’t quite true. in fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of it for weeks; every moment he spent at the office, every night as he laid in bed, all he could think about was daniel, and all of the things he could do to him.he didn’t make the horrifying conclusion until much later, but he realized that daniel was the only person who had made him feel truly desperate.he was the only person who had made him feel a lot of things.-warren kepler develops feelings for his coworker and decides to do something about it.
Relationships: Daniel Jacobi & Warren Kepler, Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	i'm not used to feeling like this

**Author's Note:**

> i'm getting into writing again and i've been relistening to wolf 359 lately so have this mess!!
> 
> warnings: trauma is mentioned once very briefly, there is sexual content (not extremely explicit, but it is mentioned/described briefly throughout the fic), bdsm/choking, etc. is mentioned a lot (but again, isn't explicitly described), consensual but drunk sex is implied

warren would’ve liked to say that their first time was a spur of the moment decision, but that wasn’t quite true. in fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of it for weeks; every moment he spent at the office, every night as he laid in bed, all he could think about was daniel, and all of the things he could do to him.

he didn’t make the horrifying conclusion until much later, but he realized that daniel was the only person who had made him feel truly desperate.

he was the only person who had made him feel a lot of things.

-

it all began only a couple months after the two had met. warren immediately took a liking to him, but because he was a good worker and loyal to a fault. daniel did practically anything he said. if he said run, daniel ran. if he said kill, daniel killed. of course, following orders is what subordinates are supposed to do, but daniel took pride in his loyalty. he _liked_ following orders.

there was one thing that daniel wasn’t good at, though, and that was the physicality that his job called for. sure, he was as strategic and emotionally unattached as a soldier should be, but he had never been properly trained in combat and could barely hold his own in a real fight. it was only a matter of time before he got his ass kicked. _bad._

“invite him to one of your little ‘training sessions,” cutter said with a grin, and some questionably placed air quotes, “before he compromises one of our missions.”

so that’s what warren did; he walked down to daniel’s lab and offered to train him in some areas he could use some help in: hand to hand combat, self defense, that sort of thing. it went over a lot smoother than he thought it would; not because daniel agreed to it— warren was his commanding officer, after all, and refusing his offer would be highly uncharacteristic of him— but because daniel seemed genuinely excited to do it. his face lit up and he gave warren an enthusiastic, “yes, sir. that sounds fun. i’d love to do that sometime.” 

this, in turn, excited warren. it wasn’t often that he could spend time with anyone outside of work, and there weren’t very many people who’d _want_ to spend time with him outside of work. so, this opportunity for attention— even if it was ordered by mr. cutter himself— was a nice treat for him. especially since it was attention from someone who was always _very_ attentive to him.

a few days later warren found himself at the goddard futuristics company gym with daniel. the gym, primarily used to train new recruits and keep veteran agents in shape, was big and spacious enough that they could train for hours without running into another person. they started slow: warren showed him some basic self defense moves, and daniel caught on with relative ease. daniel really wasn’t as helpless as warren assumed he would be; sure, he didn’t have the military training, nor did he physically fit the part, but he was a fast learner. he was highly adaptive, and listened tentatively to everything warren was teaching him. 

daniel might’ve been an asshole, but he was a _smart_ asshole. warren took note of that.

a few weeks went by, and warren and daniel had made it a daily routine to meet up at the gym before heading into work to complete whatever objectively fucked-up assignment cutter had for the SI-5 team. this is how warren came to know daniel as more than just goddard’s demolitions expert. he learned that daniel had tried to join the air force, but was rejected because of his eyesight. it was eventually okay, though, because he had only considered joining the military to prove himself to his dad but he hated his dad and realized he didn’t need to prove himself by doing something he didn’t want to do and by being someone he wasn’t. (this story/rant might’ve had a different subtext, but warren failed to notice). he also learned that daniel was an excellent guitar player, and, unbeknownst to any of his other superiors, that he had fucked up his right hand in an explosion several years back and had actually _taught_ himself to become left-handed. to warren’s surprise, he also learned that daniel wasn’t as much of a sarcastic asshole when confronted alone. maybe it was because it was just a defense mechanism, and he was starting to feel comfortable with warren. maybe he was starting to think of him as a _friend._

along with that, warren learned that daniel also really liked listening to his stories. if there was anything warren could do for hours, it was talk; okay, sure, maybe he liked the sound of his voice a little too much, but from what he could tell, daniel did too. warren would go on and on about an assignment he completed years before or a heist he pulled off, and daniel would just watch, mouth slightly open in awe the entire time. it was possible that daniel was simply being polite, but honestly? warren didn’t care. he liked the praise. he liked the attention. he liked _daniel’s_ attention. and eventually, warren realized that there was even more he liked about daniel.

naturally, their training got more physical. daniel was improving significantly so warren decided it was time to be harder on him. there wasn’t much touching at first; daniel would block as warren threw half-hearted punches _sort of_ in his direction. but soon their drills turned into sparring, and their sparring turned into full-fledged, full-contact combat. 

“i’ve gotta say, i’m impressed with your improvement, mr. jacobi,” warren said as they entered the gym one morning. it was cold inside; the first snow of the winter had fallen just a few days before.

“well, thank you, sir,” daniel replied sarcastically. “you know, i bet i could kick your ass right now if i wanted to.”

“oh really?” warren said with a sly smile. “how sure are you sure about that?”

to make it clear, this wasn’t an excuse for warren to get daniel beneath him. it hadn’t even crossed his mind before that moment. but it still happened, and warren still found himself pinning daniel to the ground victoriously in just a matter of seconds. he could feel the warmth of his body between his legs, the pulse of his heartbeat in his wrists as he held them tight. at that moment, warren realized something: he _liked_ it. he liked the control, he liked the warmth. but best of all, he liked those eyes. daniel looked up at him with equal parts helplessness and pleasure and it made warren’s skin feel hot.

“sir—?” 

warren realized this was going to be a problem if anyone— say, cutter or his assistant rachel— saw them there, so he climbed back off daniel and dusted off his pants. daniel remained on the floor for a second, silent. then, he got to his feet and took a deep breath. warren half-expected him to turn and walk out of the gym without saying a word. what if he was scared? warren thought to himself. what if he was embarrassed, or he didn’t even want this at all? what if warren was wrong the whole time? 

but he wasn’t. daniel turned to warren and smiled. it was a nervous smile, but definitely not a forced one. 

“damn, you got me, sir,” he said breathlessly. “maybe _next_ week i’ll kick your ass.”

“yeah,” warren laughed nervously. “i doubt it.”

“we’ll see.”

unfortunately, warren didn’t really even see him the next week. work had suddenly started to get busier and busier, and cutter wanted them in earlier and earlier. soon, they didn’t even have time to go to the gym before work. warren hardly saw daniel at all in the following weeks. he just spent most of his time in his office, doing things that felt a little less like intelligence work and more like secretarial work. documenting and recording and reading and rereading and forging and submitting. it was all things that warren hated. to pass the time, he found himself daydreaming, spacing out at his computer. he was thinking about the gym. about daniel. about talking to him, about going on missions and stakeouts with him. he was thinking about _touching_ him.

it wasn’t long before his daydreams at work turned into fantasies at home. warren didn’t _want_ to think about it at home; maybe he thought that if he reserved thinking about daniel for work, it would just stay a work thing. it wouldn’t have the potential to become something serious if it was just a _work_ thing. but laying awake in bed, warren’s mind couldn’t _not_ wonder. 

at first, he replayed their time at the gym together. it was embarrassing, but he actually spent a lot of the time thinking about their conversations alone. he thought about how open daniel was starting to become with him, and how they could talk for hours and get lost in each other’s voices. honestly, that was what surprised warren most; not his growing attraction for daniel, but the fact that they had even become friends in the first place. daniel was just so… below him. he was supposed to be nothing more than his employee, a _subordinate._ and yet here warren was, unable to stop thinking about him.

to be fair, warren wasn’t _just_ thinking nice things about him. he was thinking _rough_ things. _unspeakable_ things. warren never thought too hard about the root cause of liking that sort thing, because whether it was a symptom of his anger issues, or deeper trauma, warren didn’t care; all he knew is that he _liked_ to be in control, and he _liked_ hurting others— just as long as they were begging for it. and he imagined daniel begging him for it quite a bit. 

god, it felt like forever since he saw daniel again, and that was saying something. warren had been on stakeouts that lasted two or three days straight, spent hours staring through binoculars to see someone that just _might_ show up. hell, he had been _tortured_ for days at a time, alright? he _knew_ what a long time felt like. somehow, though—despite everything— this was still worse. 

warren hypothesized that it was partly because it was so new to him. usually, if warren wanted something, he _got_ something— especially when it came to sleeping with people. but in this situation, it seemed like there was so much keeping him from what he wanted. first and foremost, he just didn’t have the time outside of work. warren didn’t mind seeking out daniel _at_ work, but there was a sense of danger in that that even warren wasn’t attracted to. it was _risky_ , plain and simple. which brings him to another road block: mr. cutter. while warren knew that it was not beneath cutter to sleep with his employees, he knew that he might not be so pleased to see warren acquiring a potential soft spot for one of his coworkers. (not that daniel was a soft spot for warren; it a _potential_ soft spot. it was different.) and finally, in all honesty, what warren was getting caught up on the most was losing daniel’s respect by being too sudden. you can have obedience without respect, but warren really didn’t want that to happen. he liked their relationship and he liked his respect, and warren didn’t want to ruin it— not just yet.

so for the time being, warren just spent his time thinking. and imagining. and imagining again.

and then came a ray of light: their first assignment in nearly a month. one target, and a house full of evidence that cutter wanted destroyed. their mission? get rid of the evidence. blow up the house.

warren felt almost as giddy as daniel looked that morning, sitting in cutter’s office. his eyes brightened as cutter told him that he was going to have to make something blow up. seeing him so happy— or just seeing him at all— made warren feel warm inside. 

and if he wasn’t mistaken, daniel seemed glad to see him, too. 

“I'm sure you two can handle it,” cutter said, grinning. “nothing my two best agents can’t handle. and congratulations, daniel. i’m officially considering you as one of my best agents.”

daniel blushed. “you’re too kind, sir.”

“no, i am not,” cutter replied sharply, “but i appreciate the compliment. now get to it; you two have a long day ahead of you.”

he was right. it _was_ a long day. the drive took around four hours, and to warren’s dismay, daniel slept most of the time. he was happy to see that he was getting some rest— daniel always looked so tired— but he had hoped to talk to him. they had already talked more than warren had ever really talked to a coworker before, but he still wanted more. he wanted to know everything about him, he wanted to tell daniel even more stories from his past missions, _he wanted to talk about that moment at the gym_. warren wasn’t really sure what to say on the subject, but he was quick on his feet; he’d figure something out. 

they spent the majority of their time on site preparing explosives and watching for the target to come home in almost complete silence. this didn’t really bother warren all that much; daniel was focusing intensely on his work, and the silence wasn’t so much a side effect of awkward tension as it was concentration. but there was still the thought in the back of warren’s head that maybe daniel had already forgotten about the moment at the gym. maybe warren misinterpreted whatever look he saw in his eyes. he wanted to believe so badly that daniel liked it and daniel liked when he pinned him down, when he pressed his body against his, when warren’s nails dug into his wrist, when their breaths synced up for just a _moment_ as warren leaned over him. but maybe daniel was just too scared, too loyal, too weak to say anything against it. warren liked the struggle, but not if daniel didn’t.

he was beginning to grow anxious not knowing how daniel was feeling.

warren formulated a plan on how to approach the _daniel situation_ as the day progressed. he hated that it had become a whole situation, but it was; he was becoming obsessed and the only way to satiate his obsession was to confront it. so that’s what he was going to do. he was going to ask daniel to have drinks with him, confront him about the unresolved tension, and, hopefully, they’d come to an agreement. it should be easy. 

“hey, mr. jacobi,” warren called over to him from another room. while daniel had spent hours now wiring bombs and calculating just how much damage could be done before the whole house came crashing down, warren had decided to dedicate the last hour to snooping around the target’s office. he wasn’t usually one to waste time, but this was daniel’s mission; warren wasn’t here to do anything more supervise the operation and make sure things ran smoothly. sure, they were waiting on a target, but, in all honesty, the waiting was just making warren impatient. 

“what?” daniel called in response, his voice echoing through the hall. “is it urgent, major?”

“yes,” warren replied. “you need to come immediately.”

“well, i’m kind of—“ daniel cut himself off and sighed. “i’ll be right there, sir.”

daniel entered the office moments later, looking disheveled. his hair was messed up and his hands were blackened with, well, whatever _that_ was.

“what is it?” daniel asked, a little weary, “what’s wrong?”

warren realized that his tone earlier was more successful in conveying a sense of anger than urgency, so he took a deep breath and loosened the tension in his shoulders.

“drinks,” warren replied. and when daniel squinted his eyes at him in confusion, warren took a step forward and continued, “you, me, tonight, my place. drinks.”

“sir,” daniel began with a sigh, “is that what you called me in here for? no offense, but i was kind of in the middle of…”

halfway through complaining, his eyes caught warren’s eyes _just_ right and his sour expression dropped. it was like he just realized exactly what warren had asked him. “wait, did you just invite me to your house?” he asked dumbfoundedly.

“yes, i did,” warren replied coolly. “is that ok, mr. jacobi?”

he wasn’t sure what compelled him to do what he did next— desperation, maybe— but daniel took just a little too long to answer and warren felt the need to intervene. he lifted a hand to daniel’s face, soft despite its scars, and cupped it just beneath his chin. daniel remained still but accepting as warren suddenly pushed his thumb into his mouth, holding his face there for a moment. 

_that_ was the look. warren wanted to shove him to the floor in that moment, rip off his shirt, forget the fucking mission, but he held his composure as daniel was forced to hold his. he held him there for _just_ a moment longer before letting go of daniel’s face and pulling his hand back.

“i asked, is that ok, mr. jacobi?”

daniel was a quiet for another moment. then, grinned the widest grin warren had ever seen. “yes, sir. that’s perfectly ok.”

the rest of the mission didn’t matter. not that warren had stopped caring about the mission itself— of course he cared about the mission, he wasn’t about to let themselves get killed or worse, get punished by cutter for doing a poor job— but it didn’t _matter._ as soon as the job was done, warren’s mind was already a million miles away. all he could think about was the plans he had made for the night, and about daniel’s smile when he asked him to stay over. to be fair, he didn’t outright ask daniel to spend the night, but he hoped that the thumb in the mouth gesture was enough to make his point.

as warren would find out, it was _more_ than enough.

so the scene looked like this: daniel, hair ruffled and glasses discarded on the nightstand, sitting cross-legged against the wall. warren, sitting beside him, a large bottle of whiskey that, frankly, was about a hundred dollars too cheap for his liking, in his hand. a couple beer bottles scattered on the floor, a couple half-finished boxes of takeout, and some old movie playing on the tv in the background. 

“ok, i got another one for you. do you really think i’m stupid?”

as much as warren wanted to, he didn’t rush into it. after all, he had invited daniel for drinks, and after the long, boring week they had both had, they were both fixing for one. they spent the first twenty minutes at warren’s house going through his wine cellar. it wasn’t so much of a wine cellar as it was a moderately-sized assortment of fine, aged liquor, but daniel was still more than impressed. once they selected their weapons from the arsenal, they spent the next couple hours getting pretty drunk. honestly, warren wasn’t really planning for them to get all that drunk, especially for their first time. but daniel seemed perfectly fine with it, so warren was too. for the next few hours, they drank and talked and laughed and ordered food and, at some point, ended up camping out on the floor beside warren’s bed.

“do i really think you’re stupid?” warren repeated the question. “yes, of course.”

“wow, gee, thanks, major,” daniel rolled his eyes beside him. “way to make a guy feel good about himself.”

“oh, i didn’t mean it like that,” warren held up his hands. “i mean that you’re stupid in some subject areas, as is everyone. even someone with the highest expertise in one field is going to be stupid in another.”

“oh, so are you stupid?”

“i suppose i am,” warren replied matter-of-factly. “but i shouldn’t be ashamed of that. there is plenty i am good at and you know this, mr. jacobi. now, it’s my turn.”

warren thought hard for a minute. it was hard to think _too_ hard— his head was a little foggy from the alcohol, which didn’t happen often because warren could typically handle his alcohol— but he eventually came up with one.

“what’s your favorite movie?”

daniel cocked an eyebrow up at him. “really?”

“yes, really,” warren replied. “you can tell a lot about a man based on his favorite movie. so what’s yours?”

“i don’t know,” he shrugged. “fight club?”

“fight club,” warren echoed him.

“what?” daniel said defensively. “is there something wrong with that? what’s _your_ favorite movie, then, sir?”

“nope,” warren shook his head. “that’s not how this little game works, mr. jacobi. you can’t ask the same question twice.”

“ok, fine. here’s my question,” daniel said. “why do you call me mr. jacobi, even outside of work?”

“i can call you daniel, if you’d like,” warren replied. he honestly liked the taste of it. _daniel_ . “my turn: why do _you_ call me major even outside of work?”

“that’s the same question.”

“no, i asked why you call me ‘major’,” warren replied, “you asked why i call you ‘mr. jacobi.”

“fine. well, because, sir—“ daniel cut himself off, and then continued, “because you’ve earned that title. because i’m being respectful.”

warren made a split second decision that he was going to go for it. he was too drunk to stop himself.

“are you just being respectful?” he asked in a mischievous tone. “or do you just like it?”

at this, daniel’s cheeks flushed pink, but he refused to look away. warren could practically taste the tension in the air; it was sweet.

“hey!” he snapped nervously. “it’s not your turn. it’s mine.”

he paused a minute, before taking a deep breath.

“well, do you like it?” 

warren could feel his skin getting hotter by the second. it was the same feeling he felt pinning daniel to the ground, staring into those pleading eyes. he figured it was the tone with which daniel asked it that really did it for him, because he didn’t ask out of curiosity, he was asking for approval. reassurance. _permission._

warren smiled.

“i suppose i do,” he hummed.

“oh, really?”

“yes, daniel.”

“you like it when i call you ‘sir’?”

“i like it when you do a lot of things, daniel.”

“like what, sir?”

god, warren’s heart was racing. daniel finally seemed to be getting a grip on the situation and it looked _good_ on him— not because warren particularly liked the confidence, but because he was suddenly imagining all the different ways he could remind daniel that _he_ was in control here.

the next few moments happened quickly and clumsily, but what matters is that they somehow made it onto the bed, and warren ended up on top of daniel. the last time they had been in this position, warren had demonstrated restraint. he climbed off as quickly as he had pinned daniel down, and allowed the remainder of that scenario to play out in his head and in his head alone. but he didn’t have to do that this time. warren could do _whatever the fuck he wanted._

so he did. 

_

  
  


kissing him had never once crossed warren’s mind. sure, warren liked daniel, and had spent an embarrassing amount of time daydreaming about what he could _do_ to him— but kissing? that was something completely different. it was romantic. it was intimate. sex can be intimate, but it doesn’t need to be. it can be impersonal, no strings attached, rough, meaningless, pointless, loveless, simply a way to pass the time...

but that’s not how warren viewed the time he spent with daniel. he genuinely _enjoyed_ his company. sure, daniel could be mean, and the missions they completed together could be stressful, and the repercussions of their relationship could be catastrophic, but that didn’t matter. warren still liked daniel and he still liked the attention and the approval and the admiration and closeness that came with spending time with him. and he liked fucking him, too. _god,_ he liked fucking him. he liked the way daniel sounded gasping for air as he choked him and the steady _please sir fuck sir please sir_ that followed _._ but most of all, warren realized what he liked most was the way daniel looked just before they kissed.

it was the eyes. it had always been his eyes.

the kiss was soft and surprisingly sweet and over much too quickly, but warren wasn’t going to complain. instead, he let daniel slide back down to continue what he had been doing, and warren leaned back in total euphoria. 

-

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)) kudos are appreciated <3


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